WHY MORNING S3X IS A WAY BETTER START TO YOUR MORNING THAN COFFEE

I’m a bonafide, no-holds-barred caffeine fiend.

It’s early in the week, and I’m in no mood to f*ck around: I’m a nasty, listless bitch before I’ve had my morning coffee.

Pre-caffeine, I have zero semblance of humor, and I don’t want to f*cking talk to you, regardless of how much I love you or how wonderful of a human being you are.

Basically, I’m a cruel zombie with no personality until I’ve had a mega cup of luscious, delightful, silken, gorgeously bitter, milk-adorned morning coffee.

As soon as the teeming hot creamy darkness makes its way down the confines of my throat, I’m brand new. Sparkling. Dangerously fresh. Sharp as a razor.

I go from being a horrendous, sleepy-eyed wonder-brat, to a hyper-engaged, laser-focused go-getter ready to take on this cruel, cold WORLD. It’s like I go from being a resting sloth to a fully erect meerkat in an instant.

I’m suddenly a brunette Elle Woods, ready to sing in the streets and prove to the world I’m a strong force of girl nature who cannot and will not be stopped from achieving my sky-high dreams of grandeur.

Despite my endless love and deep-rooted passion for all things pertaining to caffeine, I have come to learn, through the wisdom of age and the relentlessness of time, there is one other thing even more effective and far stronger than a cup coffee could ever hope to be.

The ultimate way to kick-start the day: MORNING SEX.

Yes, a nice bout of morning f*cking, my darlings, is the best way to get you and the pending day GOING. In fact, it sets you up for a whole 24 hours of unabashed success.

You will be radiating lustful vibrations at work; your face will have that gorgeous after-sex glow that even a $75 luxury Chanel foundation can’t manifest. You will be madly awake, gorgeously alive and ready to THRIVE.

So, ladies, listen up: Morning sex is the way to a better life. I promise.

I urge to you put down that cup of coffee and instead allot 20 minutes to devouring (and getting devoured by) your partner every morning.

Don’t fret if you’re single. After all, we don’t need another person to get off, do we girls?

So whether it’s with a partner or trusty Ms. Vibrator, here is how morning sex is more effective than a cup of coffee:

Coffee increases anxiety; s3x decreases it.

I’m an acute anxiety-sufferer. I’ve struggled with panic attacks for over a decade. I’ve seen doctors, specialists, therapist and even acupuncturists in hopes of relieving the spiraling anxiety that takes over my being from time to time.

And our lovely friend Ms. Caffeine is actually proven to exacerbate anxiety. Yes, while she wakes us in the morning, she can always take us on a dark turn for the worse.

According to the American Psychiatric Association, caffeine-related anxiety is a very real thing. 80 percent of Americans are avid, enthusiastic coffee-drinkers, and panic and anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the United States.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to connect the two, now does it?

S3x, on the other hand, decreases that pesky anxiety. Just being close to another person (kissing, hugging, f*cking) allows the body to release a lovely little feel-good hormone called “oxytocin.”

Oxytocin reduces stress and puts you in a relaxed state of authentic bliss. We do better work when we’re in a relaxed state, rather than a hyper-aware, anxious state.

Coffee has a comedown; with s3x, you just come.

Here is the truth, kittens: Coffee doesn’t actually give you real energy. It just makes your body feel less tired, so it’s falsified energy.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the boost you feel post-coffee is artificial as f*ck.

When your body needs rest, it releases a lovely little compound called adenosine, which lets you know you’re tired and need to get some f*cking sleep.

The molecules in caffeine block and cover up your adenosine receptors so you don’t feel tired. But they’re still there, looming beneath the surface. It’s akin to putting a Band-Aid on a wound and pretending it’s healed.

Until the Band-Aid wears off, and the pain sets in. The coffee wears off, and you feel twice as tired. You crash. You feel epically drained and irritated until you have more coffee.

Thus starts the vicious caffeine rabbit hole. Your life becomes reduced to a “Groundhog Day” cycle of coming down and coming up. It’s no way to live.

S3x, on the other hand, doesn’t have a comedown — it only makes you come. Its physical activity gets your blood pumping with no pesky crash. An orgasm only lasts a short while, but its lovely lingering after effects make you feel lusty, and s3xy and desirous all day long.

Coffee scatters you; s3x centers you.

When I drink coffee, I get a surplus of insta-energy, but it’s wild, scattered-brained, panicked energy. In fact, caffeine makes me feel so sweepingly anxious, it’s hard for me to direct my focus toward one specific task.

Post my morning caffeine boost, I’m chatty, and multitasking and unable to stay on one topic for too long. I’m the ADD Millennial prototype: quick but with zero attention span. My thoughts quickly shift from one to the next without drawing any conclusions.

S3x makes me feel centered and Zen. I not only get a dose of my necessary morning exercise that helps to increase the serotonin levels in my brain (the hormone that makes us feel HAPPY), but just the sheer intimacy and affection associated with s3x helps me to feel grounded.

S3x is healthy. Being touched feels good. It cultivates the confidence that helps keep me feeling sane and focused.

Coffee gets cold; sex only gets hotter.

Look girls, coffee gets cold as quickly as it gets f*cking hot. That soothing, warm cup of coffee you began to slowly sip as you put on your morning mascara and painted your precious pout with red lipstick quickly turns cold.

And there is nothing in the world more dire and unappetizing than a cold cup of coffee.

Once the coffee makes that upsetting transition from scalding hot to lukewarm, it’s super depressing. It serves as a brutal reminder that all good things eventually will come to an end.

It’s a metaphor for the saddest part of our existence: “Nothing gold can stay,” (coined by American poet Robert Frost).

S3x only gets hotter the longer it goes on. The more you draw s3x out, the more you tease and play, the sweatier and s3xier it gets.

It serves as a metaphor for the most beautiful part of life: The power of pleasure.

Coffee dehydrates you; s3x gives you a lustful glow.

Coffee dehydrates you. When you’re dehydrated, it wickedly shows up in your face. Makeup can’t cover your dehydrated skin.

Your epidermis gets papery and dry. Dark circles make their way beneath the delicate surface of eyes. Your complexion loses its luster. You’re oily and sallow. It’s not a good look.

S3X gives you the gorgeous glow Hollywood can only dream of attaining. It provides you with that coveted “I just got f*cked” glint to the apples of your cheeks.

Every girl looks more beautiful after she’s had an orgasm (especially if it’s from herself). After s3x, you walk down the street, and all eyes are fixated on to you. It’s as if you are magnetic to the masses. You f*cking ooze sexiness.

S3xual energy is very different than artificial caffeine energy. S3xual energy is real and penetrates through your entire body. It’s the most powerful energy of all.

SHOCKER !!! USING FEMALE CON DOMS TO WIPE THE FACE IS THE LATEST BEAUTY SECRET

Beauty and makeup has been around for ages but women of today has taken the whole thing to a new crazy pitch. Some women secretly use female co ndoms as make up in South Africa.

The con dom comes with a sponge and the sponge is a quality product, The sponge is found inside the female co ndoms which are distributed by hospitals and clinics.

This is how dailysun.co.za is reporting it:THE YOUNG women rush to the clinic to get as many female con doms as they can lay their hands on.
While matrons think they want to protect themselves from unwanted pregnancies and STIs, these young women know better.

THEY KEEP THE LITTLE SPONGES FOR DOING MAKE-UP – AND THROW AWAY THE OILY BAG!

“The sponge is a quality product,” said Sandile Mkhebe (22) from Section A in Botshabelo, Free State.
“My friend introduced me to it and I’ve been using it without a problem for about six months.”

How successful the co ndoms are at protecting women from s exually transmitted infections or unwanted pregnancies is not known – but there are many beautifully made-up women in Botshabelo who are very happy.

“I see myself getting more beautiful,” said Sandile.

And, of course, the sponge is free. It is found inside the female con doms which are distributed by hospitals and clinics.

Before Sandile discovered the female con dom sponge she used to buy compacts because she needed the sponge to apply her make-up.

“I will never give up using it,” said Sandile.
“It saves me a lot of money.”
Puleng Mosupane (33) from M section said she waits to see the con doms being delivered to the clinic.
“Then I go quickly and get as many as I can,” she said, laughing.
One nursing sister at a clinic said it was disgusting to use a con dom sponge to apply make-up.

“The sponge’s job is to protect the punani from hurting during s*x. We see many women with s exually transmitted infections but they don’t want to use the con doms.”

Free State health spokesman Tebogo Oepeng was shocked.

“The department spends lot of money to make sure that women are protected and healthy. We condemn the use of the female con doms in this way,” said Oepeng.

“The department will not let the matter rest. We are going to conduct our own

SEE THE BBM BABE E XPOSED ONLINE FOR DISTUBING A GUY WITH HER NA KED PHOTOS

This our guy got tired of a lady that was disturbing him with her private photos on BBM, he said the lady requested for money so that she could send more of her full private photo and he was not interested but the lady didn’t stop bugging him. So the guy shared some of the photos the lady sent to him.

D’BANJ FINALLY REVEALS WHY HE IS STILL SINGLE (SEE HERE)

Dbanj the handsome and rich Koko master revealed to Saturday Beats why he is still single despite been linked to several beauties.

He said:

“While growing up, there were some goals I set for myself and at 35; I have accomplished most of them. Sadly, I have not accomplished the primary goals. The main one is marriage.

By now, I thought I would have been married. I had always thought I would have a child before the age of 30. That fantasy did not become a reality because I wanted to strengthen my brand. I wanted to be sure that I was on the right path career-wise because as a kid, you need to crawl before you can walk and eventually run. I wanted to be sure I surpass all boundaries and reach a certain stage where I can easily balance my work and family. That is the main reason why I am not married.”

He however said that he is proud of his other achievements as they have surpassed his widest imaginations.
He said:

“Apart from marriage, one other thing I desire to have is the Grammy but that is already in the pipeline and it would be acquired soon. I didn’t know I would meet Kanye West while I was dreaming big as a child. But I dreamt that I would go places and people would hear my song all over the world.

I also dreamt that Caucasians would dance to my music. I dreamt I would top music charts across the world and all that has happened. I have dreamt of performing in front of thousands of people on a global stage and I have achieved that. For all these I am grateful to God,”

12YR OLD GIRL CONTRACTS HIV AFTER HER STEP-BROTHER & HIS FRIENDS RAPE HER IN ABUJA

A 12-year-old girl (name withheld) has contracted the dreaded HIV/AIDS disease after she was allegedly raped by her 25 year old step brother, Abdullahi Mohammed and his friends at her father's house in Jahi district in Abuja.

According to Daily Trust, the girl's father and mother separated and the father married another woman who already had a son from a previous relationship.

Narrating what happened, the girl said her step brother started raping her when she was 8 years old and each time he raped her, he would threaten to kill her if she told their father.

“My father married my step mother who has a son. We were living peacefully until one night when I was lying on the floor and Brother Abdullahi came and started fondling my breasts. When he didn’t see breasts, he said he would suck them until they came out. When I objected, he raped me. He used a handkerchief to wipe off the blood that was coming out from my private part. He threatened to slash my throat if I told anybody. I didn’t tell anybody and it continued. He raped me every night; and sometimes he brought his friends, especially Ahmed along with him to rape me,” she said.

The girl said she feared she would be killed by her step brother or suffer maltreatment from her step mother if she told anyone what he was doing to her.

She was diagnosed with AIDS after her father took her to the hospital following her constant poor state of health. Doctors carried out various test on her and discovered she had HIV/AIDS. It was when her father, who was very angry, sought to know how she contracted the deadly disease, that she revealed that her step brother, Abdullahi and his friends, had raped her for four years. Subsequently, her father reported the case to the police at Mabushi and the two men were arrested. They confessed to the crime.

Police reports however shows that the case took a new twist when the two suspects were taken to the hospital and their medical reports came out HIV negative. It is been speculated that the girl's mother was HIV positive when she had her.

“She was not tested when she was an infant, and maybe she was HIV positive from birth. Her half brother confessed that he was the first man to have had sex with the victim and how she got that HIV still remains a mystery,” a police source said.

When contacted, the Mabushi divisional police officer, Chief Superintendent Ayobami Surajudeen confirmed the story and said that having gotten medical reports, the case would now be transferred to the State Criminal Investigation Department

PASTOR RAPES 16-YEAR- OLD DURING THREE-DAY DELIVERANCE PRAYER

The Lagos State Police Command has arrested a pastor, Abraham Sunday, for allegedly raping a 16-year-old girl, Kike (pseudonym) in Adalemo Estate, in the Toll Gate area, on the Lagos-Abeokuta Expressway.

PUNCH Metro learnt that Sunday, the pastor of Christ In All Nations Church in Adalemo, was arrested by the Ojokoro Police Division last Wednesday, September 2, from where he was taken to the Department of Criminal Investigation, Yaba.

It was gathered that Kike, who was ill, had been taken by the pastor to a house in Adalemo Estate on August 28 for deliverance prayer when the incident occured.

It was learnt that the victim’s mother, who said Sunday was a family friend, became apprehensive after she did not hear from her daughter.

The matter was said to have been reported to the police by the landlord of the house where Sunday allegedly camped the teenager to rape her.

A police source told our correspondent that after Kike was rescued, she was taken to a hospital, where a medical test confirmed that she had been raped. The pastor was thereafter arrested.

He said, “The pastor was like a foster father to the girl. She was ill and had gone to a hospital in the area. While returning from the hospital, she boarded the same bus with the pastor, who said he would take her to a place for prayers.

“Since the suspect was a family friend, she did not doubt him. So, they went to the pastor’s apartment, where he camped and raped her for three days. The victim’s mother did not even know about the deliverance prayer.

“On Monday, the landlord and some neighbours got suspicious of the pastor’s arrangement with the teenager and they alerted a non-governmental organisation in the area, which in turn invited the police. The girl was rescued and rushed to a hospital, where a medical test confirmed rape. The suspect was arrested immediately.”

Our correspondent learnt that Kike and her mother were thereafter referred to the Lagos State Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team and the Ministry of Women Affairs and Poverty Alleviation.

The DSVRT Coordinator, Lola Viviour-Adeniyi, said the team had taken up the rehabilitation of the victim.

She said, “It was an NGO, Rubies Ink, that brought the matter to our attention.

“The girl was taken away for prayer. She was in the pastor’s house at the Adalemo area for three days, and during that period, he raped her.

“The DSVRT reached out to the victim’s mother, but she maintained that she would not pursue any case. While admitting that the pastor defiled her daughter, the mother said the pastor had a three-month-old baby, and she did not want him to be jailed.

“However, we informed the police at Ojokoro division that the state government was interested in the matter.

“This prompted the transfer of the suspect to the SDCI, Yaba.

“At present, the girl is undergoing treatment. She was taken to the Mirabel Centre.”

The Lagos State Police Public Relations Officer, DSP Patricia Amadin, confirmed the pastor’s arrest.

She said, “The police have arrested the suspect, and the matter has also been transferred to the SDCI, Yaba.’’

MAN STEALS BABY, GIVES GIRLFRIEND TO SELL

The Abia State Police Command has launched a manhunt for a man, identified simply as Uchenna, from Owerri- Aba, for allegedly stealing a four month- old baby boy, who he gave to his girlfriend, Kelechi Uche, to sell.

The state Police Commissioner, Joshak Habila, who paraded Uche in Umuahia, said she was arrested by some members of the public at Osusu Aku, where she went to look for buyers.

According to the police boss, Uchenna and four other suspects, still at large, stole the boy at gunpoint on August 21, at Ntigha Uzo in the Obingwa Local Government Area of the state.

He added that Uchenna later handed over the baby to his lover to sell.

Habila explained that Kelechi drew the suspicion of some members of the public on August 26 when the baby started crying uncontrollably, but she could not breastfeed him.

The CP said she was nabbed by the curious members of the public following her incoherent and unsatisfactory answer when she was asked if she was the biological mother of the baby.

“She was immediately arrested and handed over to the police at Ugwunagbo division,” the CP added.

He added that upon interrogation, the suspect said the child was stolen by her boyfriend, Uchenna, and four others and given to her to sell.

The CP said the suspect also explained that the baby was first kept in the house of one Love Chinkata , also on the run, before she collected him to sell.

Habila said efforts were on to trace the biological parents of the baby and to also apprehend other fleeing suspects in connection with the crime.

The police also paraded three suspected robbers ─ Emeka Mbulo, 30; John Promise, 20; and Osinachi Iroka, 22.

According to the police, the suspects were arrested during a raid by detectives at Mbulo’s house following a tip-off that they were plotting a robbery operation.

The police said two locally-made pistols, N46,000 , three machetes, and a hammer were recovered from the suspects.

The suspects, however, denied the allegation.

Paul Okoye (P-Square) Breaks Down In Tears On Stage In America…SEE Why

One half of the P-Square group, Paul Okoye, broke down in tears on September 5 on stage while performing in Washington D.C.

During P-Square’s first performance of their America and Canada tour, Paul Okoye couldn’t hold back the tears when he remembered his late mother as he and his brother sang their popular hit number ‘Beautiful Onyinye‘.

According to the superstar singer, he cries sometimes when he performs this song.

“Sometimes I cry on stage, especially when singing beautiful onyinye, our late mum’s favorite song …..     I know she’s watching with our dad. Miss u guys….. DC 1 luv” wrote Paul Okoye yesterday (September 6) on his Instagram account. #
He shared a black and white picture of him on stage crying when he performed the song.

‘Beautiful Onyinye’ is off Psquare’s 2011 The Invasion. The song was famously remixed in 2012 featuring American rapperRick Ross.
The star twins lost their mother Mrs Josephine Okoye in 2012.

Naija Babe Collapses After Boyfriend Proposed To Her… See Why

Those who know them say the babe has given up on marriage and was already living with the guy full time as his ‘wife’, with or without marriage, after years of dating. So, it was a great shock for her that the guy still thought it wise to do the right thing and he did it in the presence of colleagues in her office.
See photo of the emotional moment below…

NOLLYWOOD ACTOR JIM IYKE, WELCOMES BABY WITH WHITE GIRLFRIEND (PHOTO)

Popular Nollywood actor, Jim Iyke who recently joined his other colleagues in venturing into their own business, welcomed his bundle of joy on Tuesday, September 1.

According to The African Eye magazine, Jim and his 23 year old Lithuanian girlfriend Dana Kinduryte welcomed a baby boy on September 1st at Grady Hospital, Atlanta. The child has since been named Harvis Chidubem Iyke.

Jim Iyke took to his Instagram page, on the day of the delivery of his baby boy and left a creepy message that got everyone wondering what must have happened to him.

The proud father took to his Instagram page saying “Fifty Shades of Mr IYKE. #ThankYouLord #EternallyGrateful #TearsOfJoy #CapriciousMan #Gladysmiling #Gladysboi #TheBlessedManChronicles”.

See post and more pictures below:

However, five months after the couple found out they were expecting a child, Jim moved Dana into his apartment in Atlanta where he took proper care of her. Jim was said to be present and assisted in the delivery of his first child.

Jim Iyke met Dana, a law graduate in London over a year ago but she didn’t even know he was a famous actor until three months after they started dating.